57 Comments
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Keith Long's avatar

IN-credible. Such an uneasy intense feeling, the latter half where she goes home is like a waking nightmare.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you, Keith! And thanks again for your great feedback. ❤️

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William Pauley III's avatar

A horror story told in revolutions. Loved this, Sean!

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thanks, homie!

btw, for some reason I was up last night thinking about your stories. About your style. You’re so consistently on the mark. And still you manage to be innovative while remaining 100% you.

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William Pauley III's avatar

Man, this means a lot to me. Thank you. Like the majority of us here (surely), I often doubt my abilities and question my worth as a storyteller. Every now and then a comment like this comes along and it keeps the fires burning. Thank you. Truly.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Totally get that. That voice in our head is a rascal sometimes. It's either telling us we're the best ever or the worst ever. Never the truth. haha

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William Pauley III's avatar

Exactly! 😆 You know, when I first started writing, I saddled up with a group of writers who were all inspiring one another to write the weirdest fiction on the planet. We ended up causing enough of a ruckus that we became a recognized movement in the literary world (the bizarro fiction movement). The reason I bring it up is because for the first time since, I feel I belong to a community of writers who are putting in the time and doing important work... and it's different than anything that came before. I'm not sure what it is or how to label it, but *something* is happening here with the fiction on Substack. You feel it too, right?

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

I've been mulling this over for thirty+ minutes. haha

Something is happening here but I'm not sure what it is or where I fit in. I'm not even sure what I want! 😅

I'd love to hear more about your thoughts on fiction and the community on The Stack™.

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c.d. mudge's avatar

Exquisite

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you!! ❤️

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Nicole Paton's avatar

This is so twisted and tantalisingly terrifying! As soon as she mentioned smelling the olive wood of her aunt's cross, I started suspecting, but oh my goodness, I didn't realise the entire family would be in on it. This is amazing, Sean!

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thanks, Nicole! ❤️ It's a bit open to interpretation and I love that. For me, there was one person directly involved (Sticks), but the family did play a part in creating the killer.

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Jon T's avatar

Super well done Sean. The voice is so creepy and compelling. And lord knows I love an unreliable voice like this. Very cool to have another look at this story. This version is sharpened up nicely.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thanks, Jon! Adding that prayer to the front really set the tone. I appreciate that suggestion (and all the others)! ❤️

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Sandy Shaller's avatar

Sean, I'd almost forgotten about the very unique spells you cast with your writing and your spectacular imagination. My mind was working overtime imagining everything. What a truly horrifying tale. Big hug to you and the family.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Sandy! I miss you buddy. We should hang out one of these days. ❤️

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Sandy Shaller's avatar

I'd love it. You're the busy dad so let me know when you get a break.

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Liz Zimmers's avatar

What an incredible story! A douse of pure ice water; I’m still shivering. I will think about this for a long time…

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you, Liz!

I've been thinking about your stories a lot over the past few weeks. You've def played a role in helping me find my voice. I have a couple folk stories in the works right now that would not exist if I'd never read Zimmers. :)

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Liz Zimmers's avatar

Sean, that is the bestest compliment ever! It’s wonderful to be able to read and interact with so many talented writers here. I love it!

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troy adkins's avatar

Wow. My name is Troy and I am harrowed. Masterful work.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you, Troy! ❤️ Having just read your work, that’s high praise!

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FranB's avatar

Great story, Sean, really creepy. I’ve now realised entering something funny into the Lunar awards wasn’t a great strategy! 🤣

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you! Just read your entry this morning and loved it!

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FranB's avatar

Oh thanks Sean, that’s really kind of you. I’m so glad you liked it.

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

Harrowing and beautifully rendered. The repetition of names and objects, the ritualized movements, the symbolic hands—it creates a really claustrophobic loop that feels both mythic and completely personal and individualized. You’ve captured something primal about survival and memory and how trauma distorts chronology, and how belief (in God, in order, in rules) becomes a fragile shelter when the shit hits the fan: great voice, pacing, colour and energy. Thank you for writing it—and for trusting us to sit in the dark with you ;)

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you, Brock! I had a lot of help getting this story to where it is now. Eight authors gave me excellent feedback. I almost look at this as a collaboration, in some ways. Unless I make money off of it, then it's 100% mine. ;)

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DOMO CAMPOLO's avatar

It’s not often I hear someone’s genuine voice in their writing, but you sir: have done it. Good stuff!

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you! What a compliment! ❤️

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Shane Bzdok's avatar

Well, it's taken me way too long to get to this. Tons of excuses that I won't bore you with. But dude, this story is so damn good, it's insane. No joke - your work inspires me to write. Thank you for that.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

That means sooo much to me, Shane. Thank you!

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Skyla's avatar

This was terrifying. I could hear the eerie voice while I read it. Dark… disturbing… great work like always.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you, Skyla! I would love to know what that voice sounds like to other people. In my head it's pretty darn creepy, too. ha

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Jennifer James's avatar

This was disorienting in the best way. It gave the feeling of isolation and the complete loss of reality.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you! That means a lot to me! ❤️

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Vince Roman's avatar

This one is chosen!

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

🫴🏻

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Hanna Delaney's avatar

What am I supposed to say other than this is brilliant, Sean? What can I say that would be worthy of this twisted tale? I love it.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Hanna! Thank you. You've made my morning. ❤️

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Hanna Delaney's avatar

Started off making me think of The Wasps Nest as she was reciting her family members, then slowly progressed into her being the Judas goat. Lovely work.

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