I love the mix of such beautiful language with the twisted brutality of this woman's death. I also love the way I'm not sure if the main character actually killed her, or if Mother Lake just gave him a fever dream to draw him onto the water. This is awesome!
Yes! That's what I think happened here. It was all a trick to get him out onto the water. I also love the idea of no actual violence having taken place during the story.
my only feeling is that having named her Jane, maybe she should have kept that name instead of "woman"... makes her more human...makes her murder more poignant? can't fault it though. excellent work !
plain-Jane isn't her name, it's more of a derogatory term for a woman that is not especially attractive. Sort of like how people use "basic" these days. The woman is actually Mother Lake.
In my head, she's lured him out onto the water. The body wasn't a woman's body, it was a mutilated animal. Now whether this all comes across to the reader haha
Brilliant. I love the spare story-telling, the careful choice of words and the growing sense of menace until....Mother Lake and her children. I can easily imagine this in terrifying animation on one of those shows that has animated stories all in the macabre mode.
This is so good and so rich. I just don't think "plain Jane" works, especially with all the rest of the descriptive delights. It's the one false note in this otherwise wonderful concerto.
It’s a cliche, and not a deep one. With all the thought you put into the other descriptions, she needs something from the character’s head that gives the reader an idea of her blandness or lack of pizzazz. I can’t say lack of allure because obviously there was allure.
Nice! Love the creeping dread. Btw “Mother Lake” is the Japanese nickname for the lake I live next to near Kyoto. Now I don’t want to go down there anymore lol.
This was brilliant. The religious imagery (his hands smelling of roses, her palms up waiting for Christ, the lamb in the water, Paradise Lost, etc) is paired with the horror to great effect.
Loved the atmosphere in this one! The "plain jane" bit was my favorite part.
🤣
Just the title, "Mother Lake" fills me with terror. Can't want to read it.
haha thanks Sandy! ❤️
I love the mix of such beautiful language with the twisted brutality of this woman's death. I also love the way I'm not sure if the main character actually killed her, or if Mother Lake just gave him a fever dream to draw him onto the water. This is awesome!
Yes! That's what I think happened here. It was all a trick to get him out onto the water. I also love the idea of no actual violence having taken place during the story.
So dark and feverish…he’ll never escape. Loved it!
Thanks, Liz! ❤️💀
This was hideously dark.
"her throat is storm clouds"... wonderful!!
my only feeling is that having named her Jane, maybe she should have kept that name instead of "woman"... makes her more human...makes her murder more poignant? can't fault it though. excellent work !
Mother Lake: a terrifying presence!
Thank you!
plain-Jane isn't her name, it's more of a derogatory term for a woman that is not especially attractive. Sort of like how people use "basic" these days. The woman is actually Mother Lake.
ahhh i thought mother lake was the retribution...
In my head, she's lured him out onto the water. The body wasn't a woman's body, it was a mutilated animal. Now whether this all comes across to the reader haha
AND I JUST REALISED THE FACE ... THE FACE!!!!!
🤣👄
ahhh... i totally got all this wrong!!!
amazing that its brilliant even though i completely missed the whole story!!! the mind is terrible!
of course... what is the dog doing there after all... doh!
Brilliant. I love the spare story-telling, the careful choice of words and the growing sense of menace until....Mother Lake and her children. I can easily imagine this in terrifying animation on one of those shows that has animated stories all in the macabre mode.
Ohh I love that. It'll be animated the next time I read this for sure. ❤️
This is so good and so rich. I just don't think "plain Jane" works, especially with all the rest of the descriptive delights. It's the one false note in this otherwise wonderful concerto.
Thank you, Jimmy! Let me think on that a little. Can you explain why it's false for you?
It’s a cliche, and not a deep one. With all the thought you put into the other descriptions, she needs something from the character’s head that gives the reader an idea of her blandness or lack of pizzazz. I can’t say lack of allure because obviously there was allure.
Plain Jane was coined by A. P. Herbert in 1927.
Damn dude!
That photo Messed. Me. Up.
The shift was easy to miss, but once I caught it, it stuck in the ribs.
And the rope? had to go back and make sure I saw it right. That landed hard.
You didn’t push anything. Just let it rot slow.
The last image? Felt like the only way it could have ended. Inevitable.
Great shit.
Thanks, Max! It was fun to write. The idea wasn't a big, but the story came together better than I thought it would. I appreciate you checking it out!
I had to sit with this one a moment to think about what actually might have happened. Chilling details. Nicely - and disturbingly - done!
Thank you, Stephanie! 🖤
Nice! Love the creeping dread. Btw “Mother Lake” is the Japanese nickname for the lake I live next to near Kyoto. Now I don’t want to go down there anymore lol.
Whoa! Well, if you do go there, don't get tricked by Mother Lake! She wants you out on the water!
okay i'm here. this greatly reminds me of japanese style horror that i love (loathe i'm actually a baby when it comes to horror movies).
echoing the fantastic atmosphere and the way the text heightens the disjointed feeling. so many questions that will never be answered. great work!
You've made my evening, Renni. This is the first time I've had a story compared to Japanese style horror, and I love it. 🖤
What an excellent and exceptionally creepy tale, Sean! Fantastic imagery.
Thank you, Logan! That means a lot to me!
It was so good, dude!
❤️
Nothing but water tricks up in here. Great work Shony. Love all the strong metaphor.
Thanks, Jon! 💦
This was brilliant. The religious imagery (his hands smelling of roses, her palms up waiting for Christ, the lamb in the water, Paradise Lost, etc) is paired with the horror to great effect.
Thank you! ❤️ 📿
Omg Sean! So many brilliant lines in this.
Thank you thank you thank you! ❤️
This was fucking great!
Ahh thank homie. That means a lot!