58 Comments
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Shane Bzdok's avatar

Grew up Catholic. Did the Sunday School thing. Your descriptions brought back vivid memories.

Fantastic story, Sean. There were so many things that made me uncomfortable, all brilliantly woven together and converging on a terrifying final scene. Left me feeling itchy. Great stuff, man. Seriously.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Catholic churches probably had a whole other level of creepiness to them at night! Thanks, Shane! I was bummed that I missed your live with Erica!

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Shane Bzdok's avatar

Don't be bummed, man. You missed me being nervous and word-vomiting all over the live stream. 😅

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Hey that's my schtick!

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Shane Bzdok's avatar

😂

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Nick Winney's avatar

Mary joseph jesus and the little donkey!

that was about the most skin creeping thing I've read in years.

the slightly over the top jolliness suckers you in for the absolute terror. and the fleas? genius!

6 stars out of 5, and the 6th one is pure actual gold

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Ahh thanks, Nick. That means a lot!

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Shawn Brooks's avatar

Fucking fantastic! Real terror when the pastor dropped his mask and especially when the kid was trying to hide in the office. I have real trauma with fleas too, so thank you for that lol.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thanks, Shawn! Flea fear is no joke. That entire scene is basically a true story.

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Lyndsey Resnick's avatar

The downstairs classrooms in a Baptist Church are some of the most disconcerting places on earth. I never walked. Always ran, especially if alone. Tiled, echoing..

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

It's interesting how we all had similar experiences with that! Eek!

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Lyndsey Resnick's avatar

It’s odd. There was nothing ominous about the church, but the basement was something else when not in use. I blame the asbestos tile and all the hard surfaces. Click clack, click, clack of the Sunday shoes. Echo-y walls and the cheap hollow-core wood doors.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Yes. Gotta have the cheap doors.

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Nick Winney's avatar

bugs love them holler doors alright...

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Liz Zimmers's avatar

Absolutely grim! I was back in the churches of my childhood, the Sunday school rooms in the basements of every one. I remember how frightening they were when empty. Fantastic demon story that perfectly captures the innocence and helplessness of the child.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thanks, Liz! Creepy Sunday school rooms are the best. I got locked inside one when I was a kid on accident. They thought everyone was out. 🙀

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Jessica Maison's avatar

Nothing scarier than a pastor who needs respect. Really dug the use of the fleas too.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thanks, Jessica! I have your short queued up to read. Excited to check it out!

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Jessica Maison's avatar

Yay!

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Garen Marie's avatar

My heart is pounding for that kid and my foot is itching to kick that pastor in the nuts as you suggested. Nothing’s scarier than real life. You nailed it.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you, Garen! That means a lot to me. I def want to kick him in the nuts, too. ha

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Pablo Báez's avatar

The flea in milk *chef’s kiss and a toast pinkie’s up*

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

🥛🥛 Cheers! haha

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David Perlmutter's avatar

Small point: "Revelation" is singular, not plural.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thanks, David! I did notice that before publishing, but I like the sound of Revelations better.

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David Perlmutter's avatar

Well, the character is a kid, and he probably doesn't know the truth yet.

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The Ear Implant Foundation's avatar

This story does well at contrasting a righteous façade with a hidden grim reality.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you!  ❤️

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

Among other talents, you write just brilliant dialogue. So snappy. Really clean, colourful, sharp product. 👌

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

That means a lot to me, Brock. You made my day with this comment! Thank you!

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

Well, you made mine a couple of days ago.

I look forward to the future stories. And you seem to seek the truth about the writing process. I mentioned G. Saunders in a note because . . . well, because there's carryover. Good carryover :)

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Jennifer James's avatar

This brought back memories. As a kid, my church had a creepy basement. I'd tell myself there couldn't be any demons down there, because it was a church, but it always felt bad.

And the child's question for his Sunday school teacher rang true. Kids ask hard questions. The truth hasn't been smoothed over for them yet.

This was a perfect weaving of realistic and supernatural terror.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

❤️❤️ Thank you! Kids really do ask the tough questions. Real ones. Ha

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Hanna Delaney's avatar

"Come and pray you little fucker." Oh my God. And the bloody eggs again. Thanks for this. Scary shit.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

😬 Always with the eggs haha

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Edward.Marlo.Ruiz's avatar

Finally able to get to this one. So happy I did. Chilling in all the best ways. I really like how the narrator and the reader have the same revelation knowing it was The Pastor to check up on her. Nail biting and sad.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you! ❤️

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P.K. Anthony's avatar

Jesus, this dredged up a childhood's worth of religious trauma, straight down to the dark basement hallway game.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

You did the hallway game, too?? Love it.

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P.K. Anthony's avatar

Sure did! I was so freaked out because it was like you were describing the church I grew up in

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Mike Duffy's avatar

This was so good! I was raised catholic and this hit in a place I hadn’t thought of in quite some time.

There’s always something horrifying about an abuse of power and the ability to manipulate. You conveyed it beautifully

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thanks, Mike! I appreciate that. And nice to meet ya!

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Mike Duffy's avatar

You as well :) looking forward to more of your work

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