29 Comments
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Zachary Dillon's avatar

This does straddle an inner mood and an external place/event so nicely. The "hush, hush" is an elegant way to thread them together: first as a thought, then spoken—or at least a thought to a person.

Loved the atmosphere in this.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you, Zachary! ❤️

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William Pauley III's avatar

Damn. This was stream of consciousness? It's so perfectly worded, I never would've guessed. Wow! You ooze talent, Mr. M. 🔥

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

❤️ Thanks, homie! It was fun to write. I tried to beat Emil's 15 mins but it ended up around 25 for the first draft, then another 20 mins of edits.

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Edith Bow's avatar

Art School/Birds of Pride were 3 paragraphs originally, and then I just ran it after. Re edit. This was excellent. Nice flash.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thanks for the perfect three words to kick it off!

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Edith Bow's avatar

You got my winter sad remix but you know what it's great for us horror writers.

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

Mustard. Good.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thanks!

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

Sincerely, your work is so colourful and the voice is so consistently warm. Mustard. Why has mustard never once appeared in my own work? It's my favourite condiment, but it's SO long since I've even seen it. How long? I don't know. You occasionally allude to food . . . A lot of"taste" language. I've been trying to put a finger on it. Keep food in your stories. I need to start describing the food my characters are eating and what condiments they're using! I'm hungry now.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

❤️ Love this. I hadn't noticed that I had food a lot, but now I'll probably start picking up on it, and maybe I'll even lean in to the tastes! :)

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B. Eldon Calder's avatar

Do it! Great writing!

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EJ Trask's avatar

life, death and pissing outside, shony trifecta

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

🤣

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Jessica Maison's avatar

Took me to a bunch of places quickly and efficiently. Really great.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you! It was fun to write. Quick and dirty!

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Liz Zimmers's avatar

Beyond excellent, saying so much more than its modest word count implies. So much more. Brilliant, Sean!

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you, Liz! I was trying to say a lot, but wasn't sure if it worked. I appreciate you saying that!

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Ika Wright's avatar

Wow, this is a gloomy atmosphere and quite dark. I can feel how the character show little wariness in his actions, as if accustomed...tough life...

Great short piece Sean. I look forward to reading your story in the books I am collecting this year.

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you, Ika! Always a pleasure to have you read my work.

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Ika Wright's avatar

Been a while Sean. I am drowning in TBR but hey, rather that than bore myself twiddling my thumbs. You're really stepping up your game 👍

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

I'm buried beneath my TBR list--I feel ya! haha

Thank you! I appreciate that!

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C.S. Mee's avatar

Great writing!

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you!

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Nick Winney's avatar

brilliant.... BUT WE WANT THE REST OF IT WE KNOW ITS THERE!

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Thank you, Nick! ❤️

What's left to say??

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Nick Winney's avatar

there just feels like sooooo much story around that moment ... so much more..

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David Perlmutter's avatar

"Hush, hush/you just yacky yack all the time...": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj9KjKSaDPo

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Sean Thomas McDonnell's avatar

Ohh nice one.

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