Paper | Thin

12/13/99 - A bird in the hand...

Paper | Thin is an ongoing serial revolving around an eavesdropping neighbor and two elderly sisters. For more Paper | Thin episodes, go here: Navigation.

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Out on the street, a man is pissing on a tree, and Aggie is shouting out the window for him to stop. Before that, Flo sang some old-timey tune at the top of her lungs. So, the morning is turning out to be a loud one. If I hadn’t grown so fond of these sisters, maybe I’d bang on the wall or put on my headphones, but the chaos is soothing. There’s something comforting in their lively routine; it’s like when I was young, lying in bed listening to the sounds of my parents out in the living room. My father would watch M.A.S.H, Johnny Mandel’s haunting Suicide Is Painless making me want to crawl inside my pillowcase. Or I’d hear the wrapper from my mother’s frozen Snickers bar, or the sound of her knees cracking and snapping like a skeleton out for a stroll when she’d get up for a Calistoga sparkling water. It made me feel better knowing the world went on while I slept. When I moved out at seventeen, I couldn’t sleep; it was too quiet. But over the years, I adapted to the silence of solitude, and it wasn’t until I’d moved in next door to Aggie and Flo that I realized how unsafe I’d felt in my noiseless world. Their chaos makes me feel safe. The sisters make me feel less alone.

I’m thinking about going next door to see how Flo liked the cookies, maybe introduce myself to Aggie—maybe even invite them over for a game of cards. I’d need to buy a couple chairs. Maybe tomorrow.

The tree-pisser has moved on down the road, and Flo has returned to her singing.

“If you’d be just so sweet and only meet your fate, dear, ‘twould be the great event of nineteen twenty-eight, dear!”

The Super came by yesterday and spoke with Flo. She said that the rent check bounced. Flo’s response was, “Oh dear.” She wrote a new check and promised that this one, this would go through without issue. And just when I thought the drama was over, Lawrence chirped. Apparently, we live in a pet-free building. The Super told Flo she needed to get rid of the bird or look for a new place to live.

“It’s my Sister’s bird,” said Flo.

“I don’t care whose bird it is. It can’t live here.”

“It’s one little old bird—did someone complain about him?”

This seemed a reasonable question to me, but the Super wasn’t entertaining it, said, “Get rid of the bird.” She left it at that, clip-clopped down the hall.

Maybe they worked it out with the building, because today, the sisters seem like they haven’t a care in the world.

Flo has stopped singing and is just tap dancing away while Aggie belts out a song of her own.

“I’m dudein’ up my shirt front, puttin’ in my shirt studs, Polishin’ my nails..”

CLICKITY CLACK CLICKITY CLACK CLACK CLICKITY CLACK

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

There’s someone at their door. I listen:

“Oh, hello. Are we being too loud?” Flo says.

“Mrs. Riley, I walked past your door last night, and I heard chirping. I’ve come to let you know that if you don’t have the bird out of this apartment by tomorrow afternoon, we will be forced to start the eviction process.”

There’s a long pause. I pour myself a glass of wine while I’m waiting.

“Lawrence is part of our family,” says Flo. “We can’t get rid of him. Aggie would be crushed.”

“Who is Aggie?”

“My Sister. You’ve met her, she—”

“I haven’t met her, but it doesn’t matter. The bird has to go. Is there someone who can take him in?”

“No. We only have each other.”

“Well, you have until tomorrow at 3 pm to figure it out. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight…”

The door closes, and I can hear Flo crying. I want to go help her, but what can I do?

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I’m feeling good this morning, happy. I knock on Flo and Aggie’s door. Flo answers, the apartment hallway immediately fills with the scent of roses. She doesn’t look like she slept well, which makes sense, given the amount of crying she did last night. I want to hug her—to tell her that everything will be okay. She looks smaller today than she did a few days ago, or was I larger?

“Good morning,” I say in a cheerful tone.

“Yes?”

“How were the cookies?”

“Cookies?”

“Um…yes, the cookies I brought over when Agg…the cookies I brought over a few days ago.” I peek over Flo’s shoulder and see Lawrence in the corner, perched atop the mannequin’s head. He’s chirping hello at me. The sheet is no longer draped over the dummy, like it had been when Aggie was at Uncle Lou’s. There’s a portrait of a young woman pinned to the mannequin’s face. Maybe it’s Dolly Dawn or some other forgotten starlet that Flo fancies. Maybe she dances around with the dummy while she sings.

Flo’s looking at me like I’ve got ants crawling out of my nose, then it hits her. “Oh yes, the cookies. They were wonderful, we meant to come over and thank you but we’ve been so busy. That was so sweet of you. My sister Aggie enjoyed them. We sometimes forget we even have a neighbor, you’re so quiet over there. I hope we’re not too loud?”

“I can barley hear anything from my apartment. You’re as quiet as mice,” I say. “Although, I did happen to overhear your predicament…with the bird…”

“Oh?”

“I can hide him for you at my place for a few days. You know, throw the Super off the scent? He seems like a nice little bird, and I think he likes me—see the way he’s chirping at me? And, well, I’m smitten with him.”

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