Haunted Email. Tread lightly.

Shadow People, Living Room Nazi, Cliché Hauntings, The Old Hag

Hello, Friends!

Let's talk about ghosts! Do you believe in a life after love death?

I'm going to list out the weird shit that I've seen these past 47 years. When I was younger, I thought that these were supernatural experiences, but now that I'm so goddamn wise, I'm pretty sure that all of these point to a sleeping disorder. Maybe I should consult WebMD? Just going to type the symptoms into the engine, and…OH SHIT I'M DYING!?

Haunting #1: The Shadow People

It was 1978, the year that John Carpenter and Debra Hill released Mike Myers into the world (yeah, baby!). Or was it 1979? If that's the case, then it was the year Tourist Trap hit, which, IMO is way more interesting than Halloween. *ducks

That night, while the entire house dreamed of sugar plums, I was awake. I knew they'd be coming soon. The moonlight filtered through the curtains—why were curtains so thin in the late 70s? I shared the room with my sister, Brenna. I could see her body rise and fall as she slept. Then, from the walls, those familiar shadows peeled themselves from the corners and began their late-night sauntering.

These large blobs, which morphed, shifting as they glided around our room, had human mannerisms. Occasionally, I'd see definition; an arm would come into focus, reaching up to a blackhole-face. 

On this night, three of them surrounded my sister's bed. They looked as if they were discussing her, but what they were speaking of, I could not fathom a guess.

After a couple of years of this, we moved to a duplex directly behind a Civil War cemetery, and guess what?? No shadow people.

Then, years later, I told my sister about all this, and she said, "You saw them, too?"

Haunting #2: The Nazi in My Living Room

At the same house as the Shadow People, before moving to the peaceful and not haunted duplex, there was another specter. This time in the living room. Looking a bit frazzled, two men in military garb pleaded into the receiver of an army radio. Ok, I'm not sure if they were Nazis, but they were speaking in another language and had military uniforms on. I was 4; give me a break. I have no idea why they were there, in suburbia, in Redwood City, California, but I only saw them once.

Haunting #3: The Old Hag

Age 24. I couldn't open my eyes, not entirely. My body felt heavy like someone or something was sitting on my chest. I heard the sound of a radio from miles away in my room. How do I know it was from miles away? No idea. I just do.

The medical term is called Sleep Paralysis, but it's also sometimes referred to as The Old Hag or, in China, Ghost Oppression. I call it hella scary. This might not have been a ghost, but it certainly felt like it. 

Haunting #4: The Book

It's embarrassingly cliché. A very scooby-doo-esque haunting. I saw a floating book. If I'd had a candelabra in the room, I'm convinced that would have floated around, too.

I awoke from a dead sleep, feeling like something was in the room with me. I opened my eyes and shot upright. There it was, floating in the center of my room, flipping and flopping with all the gravity you'd expect. I laid back down, unsure what else to do, and closed my eyes tight. Straight up scroogin' it with the humbug. Then I looked again, and it was gone.

I remember telling myself, "This really happened. No matter how ridiculous this seems, never doubt it happened." But my rational mind must relent.

What makes this a little creepy? It was an antique book of classical records I’d purchased second-hand. I still have them, but I don't keep them in the room where I sleep.

Have you seen anything weird? Do tell.